Under the choppe

The bride is pretty as a picture, the sun is shining, the birds are singing and even inside the most beautifull flowers bloom... well even if one of those ingredients should be missing: in any case there will be a big party with plenty of guests, food (drink not so much), presents, dancing and chayn. But before the party one has to get married.

The official Jewish marriage ceremony is quite simple. A man can acquire a wife in three ways: with money, with a contract, or by having intercourse with her. In the old days each of these would be enough in itself; gradually over the ages marriage turned into a collection of cermonies symbolising these old ways and even incorporating some element of acceptation by the woman...

The marriage itself only takes about half an hour. It can be outside or in a hotel, but is often in a synagogue with, even in orthodox shuls, men and women in the same room. Wherever the wedding, because blessings are said men usually wear a kippa and married women often don a hat .
By the time the ceremony stars, things have been happening out of view of the guests. The bride and groom have fasted to prepare for this big step.To make sure no groom is ever again fooled like Jacob was with Leah, the groom himself covers the bride's face with a veil so that he knows who is hiding behind it; this is called 'bedecken'.
De ketuba has been signed (only by the man) in the presence of two 'kosher' witnesses. This is a very real contract in which among other things the groom makes over part of his posessions to the bride: this was once a revolutionary document that afforded a woman some security sadly lacking in other parts of the region.
By now the couple is actually married already, before you even clapped eyes on them.

What the guests do see is this: the bride is escorted in and on her way to the choppe circles around the groom (this symbolises engagement). Once under the canopy, with the parents of the couple at the sides, some blessings are said over a cup of wine. This is often done by a rabbi, who will say a few words (although a rabbi is not offficially necessary; two witnesses are enough for a marriage).
The bride accepts 'something of value' from the groom. She used to be just handed a symbolic coin; since the 7th century it will be a wedding ring. The ring's value should be clear to see, so no stones or engravings, and it must be the property of the groom. While giving her the ring he says a short formula of 'acquisition'. There are old stories of a man who jokingly said the formula while handing a girl a ring in the presence of witnesses - after which there had to be an official divorce, because this constituted a marriage... The bride needn't say anything; modern couples might include some role for her.
The bride and groom then drink the wine over which the blessings have been said, the groom crushes a glass because even at joyfull occasions we should remember the destruction of the Temple, and everyone calls out 'mazaltov!'.

That is what you see; it is followed by yet another ceremony out of the guests' view but definitely part of the ceremony.The chupa or choppe symbolises a 'marriage room'; a symbolic left-over of a much older custom. This consisted of the groom escorting his bride to a specially prepared room. (As for preparing this 'room'; most shuls have an ornate chupa, but the choppe can also be a simple tallith held up on four sticks or a beautiful one specially made by an artist.) While his friends waited outside he would have intercourse with her; she entered the room a virgin and emerged as his wife. This was the third way to acquire a woman.
Nowadays she goes under the chupa as an unmarried woman and emerges as his wife, but he should still take her to the new home he has prepared for them. This is why, after the public ceremony, the newly wedded couple is symbolically taken to some room and left alone with two witnesses outside the door. No, not what you think! They have a bite to eat there and break their fast, which symbolises intercourse. (In the Netherlands, they are often given a peanutbutter sandwich.)

Presents are no problem at all because whatever their age or living arrangements, on that day the couple getting married is the young couple starting off on a new life together. So think: new home, Jewish touch, and you will find a present for every budget. A new Jewish home should have mezuzot, the bride will be lighting candles in her own home for the first time and the groom will make his first kiddush as head of a family, the house can use some embellishments. ... And all you need to do as a guest is show up at the party dressed to the nines, and have fun!